Dandenong Ranges

Dandenong Ranges

Okay so let’s get one thing straight. There’s Mount Dandenong and then... there’s Dandenong. Sydney and Coff’s are different Harbours, Homer and Ojay are different Simpson’s, and if you’re kids are asking about a “Mr Harris” you’d better hope they’re talking about a “Neil Patrick” and not a “Rolf”. You see just as People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive 2000 is veeeeery different to your mate Brad and his hair “Pitts”, the word “Mount” determines exactly how “Dandy” your “Nongs” will be. Mount Dandenong, is a stunning little village nestled away in the eastern hills of Melbourne, renowned for its picturesque scenery, award winning restaurants and tea rooms, and the colourful characters who reside in its hill-sloped homes. Dandenong (think “Baby Tries Vegetime” facial expression) is a nearby suburb renowned for its syringe museum, a 24 hour Centrelink, and booming home security industry. One, is a foggy mountain range guarded by a real life Wizard - The other is about as close to Gotham City as Melbourne’s Batman could ever get. Get this distinction correct, and you can expect a day trip that rivals that of Phillip Island, the Yarra Valley, and the Great Ocean Road - or at least, that’s what a local like me would tell you. So, what’s the plan? First things first, you gotta get there. While it’s a bit of a nuisance, part of the appeal of “The Hills” is it’s distance from the beaten track of the city. While the Belgrave train line offers a direct and relaxing passage to “The Hills”, the lengthily route holds too many traumatic memories of peak hour commutes and drunken escapades for the author of this piece - so instead we’re going to insist on getting yourself a hire car there if possible. Much like Uber and AirBnB have bestowed power back into the hands of tech savvy consumers, we’re going to recommend a more modern approach to Car Hire. Carnextdoor.com.au is a car share website that allows locals across Australia and NZ to rent out their under driven cars for as little as $30 a day! So rather than subjecting yourself go the B-grade service and C-grade charisma of “Ryan” at the Hertz desk at Tullamarine, chuck this little website into your phone and keep it simple (not to mention cheap!) Once you’ve acquired your noble steed, we’re sending you on your way to a little town called Montrose. While the little strip of shops on the northern side of the hill appear unassuming, Montrose Fish & Chipperie is the finest purveyor of the British-originated cuisine in the area (particularly it’s potato cakes). The Vietnamese-Aussie owner “Ming” is the Pablo Escobar of Chicken salt, and the reason Pauline Hanson had to get out of the Fish & Chip game in the 90s to pursue her fall back career in politics. Feel free to stop by on your way through if you don’t believe the hype. Passing through Montrose you’re gonna climb straight up the Mount Dandenong Tourist road directly to Sky High. While most tourist magazines, and visitors information booklets would recommend the stunning lookout point as the last stop on your tour - heading up there first thing clears up the rest of your day for better activities (also less hand-jobbing teenagers hogging up the car park.) Get yourself a coffee from the bistro, breath in the fresh air of the Rainforest beneath you, and chuck a photo of that view up on your insta story (#priorities). Next, a 5 minute drive to down the winding mountain road to William Ricketts Sanctuary, a breathtaking nature park filled to the brim with staggering wooden sculptures etched by the late Rickett himself. This is a fantastic location to reclaim the inner-piece you misplaced around the 6 hour mark of your 14 hour flight to Australia. Inspired by the ways and philosophies of the aboriginal people in central Australia, an hour or two spent in this tranquil neck of the Hills is a fantastic way to escape the all too euro-centric attractions of the Melbourne area, and gain a more well rounded view of the countries vast indigenous history.